Reactions

One of the hardest thing for me to gauge when I am this depressed is if my reaction is a reasonable one.  I got really upset at my mother this morning.  I didn’t do anything about it, so I kept it to myself, but I am overreacting by getting upset in the first place?  I lose patience when I am depressed.  I think part of it is due to trouble sleeping.  I got over 8 hours of sleep last night, but you couldn’t tell by how exhausted I’ve felt all day.  I’ve gotten a few loads of laundry done.  Got myself to eat a bit (sadly, an accomplishment right now).

So, I got up and did a load of laundry right away this morning.  I put the pants over the washer door as I was hanging them up on hangers and putting them up in my bathroom, etc to dry.  As I am half way done, my mom comes downstairs and throws a load in.  When I go to grab the last two off the door to hang up, she’s already got the soap in and everything.  I was going to do another load.  Why does her sheets take president over my clothes?  No talking about it, nothing.  Same, as when I do a load I make sure no one wants to shower in the next hour.  Something they never consider when starting the dishwasher (which takes almost 2 hours) or the washer.  Our water pressure isn’t that great to have two things going.  She then starts talking about some crap I don’t care about, but since I was angry I couldn’t really listen and just go, “uh huh” to whatever she was saying.  I know it is a little thing, but one of so many and showing a lack of respect to me, in my opinion.

Yep, been trying to get any plans set up with anyone right now.  It’s amazing how productive I can be if I have plans later with someone.  But nothing, no follow-through people.  So, I’ve spent all day (it’s 4:10pm now) on the computer.  Responding to ads, reading emails, sending emails, playing stupid Facebook games, etc.

I wish I didn’t need outside motivation, but I do.

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